The Wall: A cycle of negativity.

This is a personal piece of writing, more of a cathartic exercise. Its overall point is just to relieve some stress of sorts, some personal frustrations. I believe part of a journey is acknowledging the bad sometimes, laying it out in front of you. This post is a complete contradiction to a lot of things I have written lately but sometimes it’s hard to just put up a front. Especially if you feel isolated, especially if you’re responsible for it.

I’ve entered a cycle of negativity lately, I say lately, it feels like the last 3 years have just been recycled misery. It’s quite tiresome on a personal level when you’re responsible for it when you feel like you’re in a doorway and you can’t just open it up.

I believe when you enter a cycle of negativity in your mind it all comes down to your personal beliefs about yourself. You try to teach yourself self-love but you don’t believe it, you give your self-inspirational quotes but you don’t believe it, you think you’re destined for greatness but you don’t believe it. The core of you doesn’t believe in yourself.

You let the bastards and ass wipes who entered your life instil a belief system in you that was never productive to your being and you carry it on your shoulders everywhere you go. Every task you approach is saturated with disbelief even though it’s taken every ounce of you to try and perform it.

The heartbreak and tears of the past still loom in the corners of your mind even though it doesn’t exist anymore. You sit with the pain of broken hearts and shattered memories because before they were created your we’re content and you long for that feeling once more.

You’re watching the world through a glass box seeing everyone else rise high whilst you’re glued to the floor. It’s like your dancing on quicksand and everyone else is taking a hot air balloon to the stars. You want to be on that balloon, you curse the world because you’ve waited your turn and everyone else pushes in front of you.

Procrastination is your best friend; you know each other too well. They are your ally in the woeful time and despite being the only thing you know it doesn’t help you, you fall deeper into that hole of putting your life on hold for feelings of nothingness.

It has to change. There has to be some kind of release from the cycle of negativity.  There has to be some break down of the wall. Nothing can last forever! That’s a lie… The only things that last forever are love and time. These words are written as an acknowledgement of the cycle of negativity.

With these words, I hope for a better future. With these words, I hope to break down the wall. With these words, I start a new cycle. All with these words.


 

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