Let’s talk about depression! It’s okay, you’re not as bad as you think.

Foreword: The following blog is taken from personal experience and other material I have obtained from books and other knowledge I have picked up along the way. I leave it here for you to read with an open mind and take what you want from it. 

Ah, Depression! That 3 syllable word that still can send a shudder up the spine of most non-progressive people as back in their day they just shut up and got on with it! Admirable, but not the world we live in anymore. Nor is it the kind of thing you want to hear when you’re staring down the barrel of a shotgun or at the very least a budget bottle of cheap whiskey, either way, you’re not going to feel very good at the end of those scenarios. But let me tell you something. You’re okay. It doesn’t feel that way right now and who the fuck am I tell you how you feel? Well I’m nobody and something brought you here, so maybe you’ll take the time to listen. There’s always a chance you might feel better after reading and I want you to bear this one thought in mind “You’re only one thought away from happiness”

       I don’t know your story but I know mine. I’ve had drug problems, I’ve watched people die, I’m in the process of watching someone die, I’ve destroyed my body with over eating, I’ve destroyed my body with under eating, I’ve had bulimia, I’ve drunk myself into a million different holes, I’ve had some of the worst jobs possible, I’ve had my heart broken, I’ve cut myself, I’ve starred at the various places where I could hang myself from in hope that every ounce of pain could leave my body…But I’m okay. Seriously I’m fine now, I wasn’t back then but now I’m okay, because I realized something. There’s only one thing I actually have (amongst a few others but one more important) I have Now. Stay with me, your depressed mind is telling you this is all bullshit and this guy is talking crap! I said the same when I was searching the internet for answers as well.

       I’m no medical expert, far from it. I have some intellect but for the most part, I’m somewhat of a buffoon but I’m okay with that as well. Depression varies from person to person. It’s never the same and it can manifest itself in many different forms. These sentences won’t be for everyone but at the same time if you have a generalized form of depression, coming from environmental stresses, past situations, future anxieties or even a broken heart or bereavement the following might help.

Your head is fucked!!!

You know that sentence too well. Everything swirling around, you can’t find any rational thoughts, you’re looking for answers, your head feels like someone’s smashing a dustbin lid into your brain! I remember the feeling, the one feeling I always found hard to shake was the heavy arms. When you wake up in the morning, or night depending on how screwed up your sleep patterns are your arms feel like two 100kg dumbbells you have to drag around with you all day. With all these thoughts in your head, I want you to try and understand something before we move on because it’s important. The way we feel is attached to what we think. If I think about some girl who cheated on me when I was 21 I automatically feel sick. I’m there in the moment, I remember the look on my face when I found out, I remember every word that was said. I’m not just there back in the moment but I’m feeling every emotion I ever felt in that moment. It’s with me now.

         Let’s look to the future. The biggest thing we as humans fear is the unknown. It terrifies us. Think about when you watch a scary movie. Something in the house is killing everyone, no one knows who it is! Everyone’s scared because they don’t know who’s going to get killed next! WHAT WAS THAT NOISE? DID THAT CHAIR JUST MOVE! OH, MY GOD, THERE’S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR! The biggest thing we all fear is death. The simple reason being that we don’t know what happens when we die. If you knew there was your ultimate fantasy life waiting for you at the end would you be as scared? Hell no! When we look to future our minds try to predict the outcome of certain situations. It uses our past as a reference point to help but if all we have is bad experiences to go off what’s going to happen? Our brain will use those experiences to try and predict the future. What will follow is anxiety, crippling anxiety. You’re constantly trying to figure out what’s next? Is that going to happen again? Is this going to happen again? Blah Blah Blah, you know the rest. I’m not discrediting your anxiety, it’s there with you now and it’s not going to change until you accept some simple truths. You can’t change the past and you can’t predict the future.

Learning acceptance.

I was that hung up on getting a girlfriend once I looked up the possibility of time travel. We are still a few years off but until that day comes I’m not going to waste my energy on it and even then I don’t want to go back. We have to accept the things we can not change. One way of doing this is sitting with yourself and understanding the biggest part of acceptance is realizing at some point you need to move on. You need to accept the reality of your situation, it will not change until you acknowledge the things you are ignoring, the damage you are doing to yourself and others around you and most importantly the prolonging of suffering you are currently going through. You are prolonging your suffering, you and you alone.

        If you’re in a bad relationship with kids, you are choosing to be there. If you have a terrible boss who treats you like shit you are choosing to be there. If you are eating a whole tub of ice cream wrapped in a pizza, you have some weird tastes but you are choosing to eat that. Just like those examples, our lives are full of choices, we make subconscious decisions to do things because they become habits and we know the outcomes. “I eat that because I know it’s going to make me feel better because it tastes good, therefore I’m going to forget about the real issues at hand”. You’re choosing not to accept things the same way your choosing not to accept the fact you can’t change the past and you can not predict the future. Your choosing not to accept acceptance. I want you to tell me how you are going to change what happened in the past and I double dare you to tell me next week’s lottery numbers! Go on! Try it. We maybe able to predict certain outcomes of future situations but we never truly know do we? Accept it, accept it now.

Side note: Our choices aren’t always easiest to make, but from pure strength and willpower you can make them. Things maybe rough for a while, however, you have that choice to make a change and also have a choice how to deal with them.

Your Gift.

I’m sorry I haven’t bought you a present but at the same time, you don’t need any gifts because you have one of your own. Your life. There’s a chance your rolling your eyes and telling me to “get fucked” at this point. Well, I’d love to get fucked but it’s 11:27 pm on a Tuesday night so the possibilities are slim. Stay with me, you’ve come this far. Your life means more than anyone’s right now, it may not be perfect but it’s your life and you have live with it. You are the most fortunate person alive If you have all your limbs, a set of teeth, full head of hair and all your senses and you, like I take these for granted every day. Even if you haven’t got all of the above and you have the ability to read this you are alive! YOU’RE ALIVE DAMMIT!  You were born with the consciousness ability to make choices and live the life the way you want to live it. You were born with a body that you choose to abuse in what way you see fit! Stop making them bad choices and use your conscious mind to make changes. You have the power! You really do, you just haven’t found it yet or you’re suppressing it.

       If you have abused your body like I did when I was depressed and not just the usual horseshit of drugs, alcohol and bad foods, I’m talking about the sleep deprivation, losing the ability to keep yourself washed and clean and the overall bad health. You need to stop now and realize that this is the only body you have got. You hear that. This is it! Your living in it. You’ve only got one and you’re treating your only gift with no respect. Why would you want to make that choice? What’s led you to make these choices? The past? The future? Your mind might care about that shit but your physical body doesn’t and the only reason your physical body feels so bad is because of the choices you’re making with your mind. There linked you see, just like those thoughts and feelings.

Your Health

I once went to the doctor about my depression and she prescribed I went for a run…I went home and curled up under my bed sheets and cried instead! I should have listened to her advice though. I was wrong about exercise and so are you. I’m not just going to sit here and talk about the biological attributes of exercise and how it can help with your depression. I want you to look at it a different way. That stuff is true what they say about depression and exercise but there’s another thing you have to take on board which is good for your mind and body…and that is progress! I hate running let me just say that, I have bad knee’s and I look like a pre-pubescent school girl when I run.

       Progress is important to us as humans. It gives us the ability to see true change in ourselves. The good and the bad. When we do exercise and do it right we see progress, right in front of our eyes. We see change! Good change! Amazing change! This, in turn, makes us feel better about ourselves because who doesn’t want to look good? It’s vain to an extent but seeing progress in our own body is a good way to nourish our minds.

       Food is important as well. Fuck your fast food and fuck your microwave dinners! They are full of fake artificial shit that is essentially poison. You were born on this beautiful planet that harbors so much nutritious good food! Eat fresh and I don’t mean Subway, I mean real food that hasn’t been coated in grease and batter. Your body doesn’t want that, but your mind does. Your body wants natural food because it’s part of nature and that’s the natural order of things. Let me give you an example. Have you ever eaten a banana and then another one after it? Your body gets to a point where it can’t eat any more bananas because it takes all the nutrients from it. Your body can only digest a certain amount of them at any given time. Have you ever eaten half a tube of pringles…then ate the other half of the tub…then been hungry an hour later and ate some more junk? That’s because there is no nutrition in that tub, so your body is constantly searching for nutrients, all it’s really getting is artificial crap! Look after your health and your health will look after you.

Let’s get you out of that fucked up head. 

So as I mentioned earlier your heads pretty fucked up! Come on, come with me, I’m going to take you somewhere. Whatever your environment is I want you to stop! Look around and acknowledge your surroundings. I want you to see everything and say it loud. Try it! why the hell not? Really concentrate on everything around you, touch it and feel it, notice every inch of it and explain the details to yourself. I will wait while you do it.

      That was the real world you were just in. Reality. There was nothing else there at that moment other than your concentration and the things/objects you acknowledged. In your head nothing is real. It’s the amalgamation of the past and the future, the bad thoughts and feelings, the depression, the heartache, the silent screams!… It’s not real. Those thoughts in your head are not real. If you detach yourself from your thoughts for a moment, understand and accept that they are not in the real world we can observe them. Let’s look at each thought as a cloud in the sky that’s just passing by and observe them.

      Can they do any physical damage to you in the real world? In that physical world where you just held a pencil and concentrated on it for a moment? Can those thoughts jump out of your head and actually do any physical damage to you? No, they can’t. They can’t hurt you because they are not real in the physical world.

      The reason we think our thoughts can hurt is that when we are living in the past or unpredicted future we are feeling the emotions of that physically. We have bought them to our present and we are living in them, they are hurting us now! Remember A thought is attached to a feeling? I think about that time someone called me useless in the past I feel it now. I think about a future where I die alone, I feel it now.  Tomorrow when you wake up I want you to leave the house and acknowledge nature. You will hear the birds sing like you have never heard before. That’s your reality and that is beautiful. That is real.

Living in the now  

You made it to the most important part! I salute you! Do you remember early I said you only truly have one thing? It’s not your body or your flat screen TV or any material possessions you have. It’s now. Yes, that’s it, it’s now! You have now and that’s all you have ever had and all you ever will have. Let me give you some context. We are hardwired by society to live on the clock. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 53 weeks in a year, blah blah blah. We’re hardwired to believe we need to do this and that in a limited amount of time, we have to achieve this by this point in our lives! We are living by a clock that society deems is we only have this amount of time to get the things done and you are failing by societies standards because you haven’t achieved these things, or this has failed… you get the picture. This gets us depressed as well, living by standards the rest of the world has set but that’s not the point. The point is we are talking about is NOW.

       I love this statement and it’s from a book, and that’s where a lot of this information comes from and I will recommend it towards the end. If you asked an animal what time it is, it would say “The time is now”. This statement reflects the fact the animals only live by their biological clock. They eat when they eat, they sleep when they sleep, the poop when they poop! They have no concept of time and our concept of time is warped by society, which is one of the main factors we have so much pressure in our lives.

      So now is all we have. In that current now we are living in our past and unwritten futures which are making our nows a living nightmare. We are ignoring the present moment, the moment we held the pencil and hear the birds sing. We are dwelling and thinking about all the bad things that don’t exist anymore and the future that hasn’t happened. We are making the choices and living by a clock that someone else has set for us. Screw all that! Be NOW!

Using the now 

Hopefully, by this point, something’s has resonated with you and I’m going to leave you with some recommendations and points to take with you on your journey. Once we are present and we live in the now we can use this to rebuild ourselves. We can use this knowledge to be forever present and live in the forever now because the now never ends you know, it’s contestant. Time is constant and only measured by a clock to distinguish the time our beautiful plant spins through infinite space.

       When you’re in the Now you can use it to make the changes you want to make. You can see the problems in your head, the ways you think and feel, you can take control. Because you can see that all that bullshit that’s been in that fucked up head isn’t fucked! Because it’s not real! And you are not fucked! Because you are now and you all ways will be. Accept that. Take control now of your situation Now! Deal with it the right way and move onto your next moment. Your now might not be the one you want to live in at this moment, but you have the choice, ability to change it. It might be hard and suck for some time but be assured that those perfect moments you crave can be here, you just have to dig deep and find the willpower you need to move forward and progress.

Points to take on your journey 

I call it a journey because nothing is going to change overnight. Unfortunately, that is one concept of time we have to take into consideration. But apply what we have talked about in the post and things will get better.

Depression: One of the main reasons your depressed is because you living in a past that doesn’t exist anymore. It’s gone. You can’t go back. Be Present and acknowledge the now. Your Now might be full of pain and misery but it will change.

Anxiety: Our anxiety is linked to us predicting the future in our heads. We can not predict the future. We use our past experiences to do this especially the bad ones. Accept the unknown.

Acceptance: accept acceptance. We have to because sometimes we can not change things, no matter how hard we try, especially the past.

Your Gift: You only have one body, once it’s gone it’s gone. Look after it and feed it well. Exercise and eat well. You will see progress.

Progress: With your gift measure your progress, seeing a change in your self is more beneficial than most things in life. If we see lack of progress this gives us the ability to make a choice for change.

Getting out of your head: Bring yourself into the present moment. Bring yourself into the real world. Use the things, objects, people around you to be into the now.

Now: It’s all you have, truly. You only have the now and the important things that surround you and make that moment. All those things around you that make you feel bad, remove them from your present or separate yourself. Do not prolong suffering.

Going forward.

All of this information is obtained from a book. A brilliant book! And believe it or not, I’ve only read half it and come to these conclusions. The book is called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.  Everything I have talked about in essence is the bare bones of the book which goes into a lot more detail and this is an interpretation, so I urge you to read it! It might be the best choice you ever make.

So I started this post with telling you-you’re not as bad as you think. I’m not dismissing your current situation, it’s you that are living it and I can’t walk that mile in your shoe’s. Nor am preaching or telling you everything I’m saying is right. I’m sure you could go over all of this a point out 100 different things that are wrong. All I ask is that you be honest with yourself like I have been honest with you and see things the way they truly are. You are here now and that is something that no one can take away from you. Forget the past and stop predicting the future! Be forever now and you can always be happy. Remember you are only one thought away from happiness.

Thank you for reading. Let me know your thoughts, criticisms, and anything else you want to write in the comment section. I’m always happy to talk and if there’s any information you think is relevant. Let me know! 

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